Reasons and Excuses

So I was reading someones post about making excuses to not finish losing weight. I have been there, Lord knows I have been there. It stirred up some major feelings of, oh I  dunno, regret for me. I have been over 200 lbs for more than half my life. I have gained and lost in a roller coaster fashion for all 20 of those years.  I got serious about losing weight once, and lost 90 lbs.

When I was losing weight before I was married to my X-husband. He was, well he was him. On one occasion he was eating Oreo cookies in front of me and I made the comment  "Mmmm sugar"  Hell i don't even care much for Oreos but they looked good at the time. He asked me if I wanted one, I said no. He waved it around in front of me and I said get that out of my face. He then said "You know you want it come on come get one." I was getting angry, I yelled. He came over and shoved the thing into my mouth, cookie pieces flying everywhere as I tried to spit it out.

It never made sense to me, he would sabotage me in some way, yet I knew he wanted  a "skinny" wife. When we met I was 122 lbs @ 5'11" and modeling on the runway at a boutique in Pismo Beach. The doctors told me when I got pregnant to gain weight or I couldn't have a healthy baby. I took them a little too serious I think. lol   So all that sabotage and within a year I went through a windshield of the truck he was driving, I was bed ridden for a few months and ate what was brought to me (by him mostly) and he tells me he doesn't love me anymore because I gained weight and because i am hurt will never lose it again. I was devastated. Not only  to hear the hurtful words, but to find I had married such a shallow man. He left me with the 3 kids to care for. So I  did. I went to work broken and sick.

I used this whole scenario as an excuse. That is clear to me now. In the following few years I underwent 7 surgeries, almost bled to death and almost went paralyzed putting off 2 of those surgeries for to long. I kept working and caring for the kids. I had to support them and was getting no help to  do so. I almost killed myself putting off what was good for me. We get stuck in a rut. Tunnel vision , focused on our day to day lives and forget how much we matter.

I started dating Mike and he saw all too clearly what I was costing myself by putting things off, him and my surgeon were begging me to get surgery. How could I? I had no support system, and would lose my home. Mike offered to come stay with me while I underwent surgeries  to pay the bills.  He had been looking at houses in the area to move into and be closer. (He lived in CT and I in VA) So he moved up here and into the house "short term" to care for me and the kids. 7 years later (almost to the date) he is still here. He has been a savings grace.

Anyhow i had in all this mess forgotten completely that I was over weight. I focused on getting better and being well, but did not include weight into that focus. It cost me. It  cost me dearly. Now I am diabetic, have Sleep Apnea, and the arches in my feet (as I mentioned before) have fallen.

Suddenly seemingly out of no where something clicked. A few days before my 40th birthday I decided it was time to lose this weight and be goal by my next birthday! Inside I feel like a different person making the decision. I can't explain it really.

That brings me to what this blog is all about. I don't think  I accurately explained the premise behind it all. So as I said in previous posts, me and my house are in need of a makeover. Both makeovers are going to and have taken A LOT of effort and energy, neither is going to be easy. I feel I will be able to look at the house and all the work it took to get it where it is and relate it to (especially since the work involved is exercise towards my goal) my weight loss. I wouldn't start reversing the work I had done in the house. That would be stupid. Yet we let ourselves gain back weight we lost. Isn't that just as silly as taking a sledge hammer to the new beautiful walls in the house? Relating the 2 together will be a constant reminder of what it takes to lose the weight. I hope it helps me not only stay on track, but keep it off once I lose it. Because I AM going to lose it!

I want to be healthy and play with grandkids (I have 3 kids eventually, hopefully not too soon, one of them will give me grandbabies) I want to be a healthy example for my little  girl, to encourage her. I have been fat her whole life. It is time to show her a healthy example of Mom.

Back to "Normal"

Well Mike is back to work  today. I really enjoyed the time with him, even though one or both of us were sick the entire time. It would have been nice to have a bit of time while NOT  sick but meh, it happens. We still stayed rather productive, though didn't get as much done as we would have liked.

Tuesday is my weigh in day and I have lost 2.5 lbs in the past 2 weeks. I have been using myfitnesspal.com to track my calories, carbs, fats, proteins ect. So much easier than doing it yourself old fashioned pen and paper style. I love the fact you can tailor the diet to your specific needs (like lowered carbs for my diabetes) and it adjusts your proteins and fats accordingly. I am excited to get in shape and be healthy again. Of course I am also excited to fit into a much smaller wedding dress when the time comes. (Spring 2014)

So, when I first put the paint on the walls I wasn't so sure I liked the color. The paint was given to us awhile back and it is what got me motivated to get these projects done. We put it on at night and the yellow is very prominent, especially when you have a million lights so you can see the paint evenness on the wall. However it is growing on me.

Our house gets a lot of light during the day and the warm glow of the paint color is kinda nice.

I took a picture with it against white primer so you can better see the color.

 This is us starting the living room floor. The wall there is painted, it doesn't seem as yellow when the whole wall is done.

 We tried very hard to get this room finished, so we could at least have 1 room all  finished up. Oh well. Eventually it will all get there. I am just so happy we are getting it all done!

I have wanted to make these changes for years now, every detail is decided, executing those details is a bit harder than planning them.

 The picture up top is with flash and the one to the left here is without flash.

The black tar paper is in place to make up the difference in height of linoleum. The dining room, kitchen and half of this room (under the carpet) is/was all covered in linoleum. We read up on alternatives to pulling it all up and decided to leave it down for more insulation and lack of having to tear it all up. #30 roofing felt is the same thickness as the linoleum and will stop us from having a line of unevenness under our floors.

 Apparently Mike snuck in a picture while I was resting. After bending over the floor for awhile I laid down on my back to "stretch". The puppy decided this was an opportunity for cuddles.

Amber is 20 weeks old now. I love her so much already. Ahh animals and the way they walk into our lives.

The while speckles there you see are from primer. (note: don't tell kids it doesn't matter if they make a mess with paint)

This is the living room this morning. we still have 1/4 of the room to finish, I plan on trying to get it done today, along with plastering the hallway and tearing out the strips and stuff from the walls in the kitchen.

Hoping to paint the kitchen by weeks end.

Hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed week.

Merry Christmas! In case I don't get to say it closer to the date.

,,Excitement,,

I am giddy with excitement as I watch the hard work over the past few months all come together.

We had a bit of a plaster issue, some of the first plaster we put down peeled off and gave us a fit. So a day of touch ups, more sanding and  primer we are all set and ready to tackle..... wait for it....... Color!

The kids helped me Tuesday and all of  Wednesday as well. What a wonderful birthday present! I had an awesome time got to spend some time with my kids and caught up to someone i had not seen in what seemed like ages.

The walls are just beautiful what a difference it made to get all those wall papered strips off the wall and actually have plaster smooth like silk!

I  give Mike a hard time about his perfectionism (OCD as I refer to it) but it could not be any more beautiful and just..perfect. Having Mike home this past week has been such a blessing, I would have been flailing in the wind without him.

The archway brings something to the house that actually makes it seem bigger! You wouldn't think adding a wall would make it expand the space.

So after all this planning and prep work, we will have colored paint in a good portion of the house today AND we will start the wood floors!

Yep that's right new floors for me! **squeels** seriously the carpet in front of the office  door has been torn for 8 years.

 Awww but to think of the sweet puppy who tore it because there was a thunderstorm and he thought we were in the office. He was so scared he tried to dig under the door.




It gives me a loving feeling and a remembrance of a loved member of our family who we have lost.  Thunder was lost to us 6 years ago. He had cancer and lived happily for 2 years with it. Then passed on.








We miss him and his Mommy, Rosie who we lost 3 years ago. Rosie was a Golden Retriever who lived 16 wonderful years with us.

OK before I  start crying.....

Here is the flooring (the tar paper is to equal out where linoleum isn't in the house). I read so many reviews by customers and such for flooring and this came up with great reviews looked good and will stand up to the dogs (we hope). The color is a little darker than we originally wanted but the money and the reviews steered us this way.

I think with the new french doors flooding light into the house and the not speckled, yellowing walls, the house will be brighter even with darker floors. Later we plan to paint the ceiling. (yeah we should have done it before we did the walls and floors) It was sort of an afterthought to add the ceilings into the mix of project ideas.

I am now off to work, I have painting and FLOORS to do!!

Hope everyone has a great day!

Let's Talk Health

Being on a push to get things done in the house, the whole health thing hasn't gotten nearly as much attention as it should.  Since I was knocked out from remodeling for 2 days due to the flu,  it is on my mind. (Ever try to use a CPAP machine with a sore throat and a cough?) As you may (or may not) have noticed in some of the pictures my weight seems to drop off then magically reappear in later years. ( i need to find the early fat pics)

I want to make it clear, I have no one but myself to blame for my weight issues.

Sometimes I think we (meaning me) get caught up in all the things we can blame for becoming overweight. Likely this is because of our self loathing and thinking "How did I let it get so bad??!!" For me I had lost 90 pounds then went through a car windshield and within 5 years of the accident gained it all back plus some. It seemed like every time I took 5 steps forward another surgery would knock me 6 steps back. I remember crying at a weight watchers meeting because yet another impending surgery was scheduled. 

Do I think it had something to   do with my gaining back the weight? Of course I do. I realized however the more excuses I came up with the more I felt OK with putting off my weight loss journey. It's NOT OK. I say this because being obese (yep I said it OBESE) caused me many health problems.  It isn't something you can put off until it's more convenient to do, it can cause some real harm. 

People say "Fat and happy" Have they ever heard of Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, Fallen Arches? Yep I have all 3 of those. Not to mention how much better I might feel now if I wasn't over weight. I am sure my already struggling body is not happy to carry around an extra person all day. I keep reminding myself it's like 10 bags of potatoes I am carrying around.

Because of my weight I feel older, am taking longer to recover from my injuries, sleep on a breathing machine, and am diabetic. This is the year I change all that. I know with the problems I have my range of motion will never be great again, but what better reason to be in shape?? It will be better than it is now! That is guaranteed.

This isn't a diet, this is a forever lifestyle change. I no longer want to live to eat, I want to eat  to live!

Love, Laughter, and a Full House.

So the kids were all here last night. It's always good to see the house full of laughter again.

It was even better to see them working!

                                                                                                                                                      Dustin was the first one to get there in the morning. He is such a good worker.          

I worked more hours yesterday, then I had any other day this week. Considering i have burned a 900 average calories a day on this project (which after logging calories burned I decided to start this blog) I think I earned my low fat low carb, sugar free cheesecake. MMMmmmm   Funny no one missed the crust on it. I asked each of the kids and they were like "Nothing is missing" So why did I worry about crust all these years??
I made veggie trays and a cracker cheese plate. It makes a mom feel good to see the veggie plate need refills   I meant to take some pictures of the foods, but alas I forgot, until it was too late and they were demolished.

Mike got sick  the first day of his vacation time. We had such a tight planned schedule, then he goes and get sick on me. I put in double the work to make up some time. We are only 1 day behind schedule, hopefully it won't impede us from  finishing the floors.  Even sick for my birthday he got up there and was working. Once he gets started he isn't real keen on stopping either.  Drywall dust while sick is soo much fun! lol

 Yesterday morning i woke up sick, sore throat, stuffy nose, I  refused  to let is slow me down. At one point however 3-4 hours into the work I had to take a break from the lung constricting plaster and just went and sat out on the back porch.






Jordan came over and he hadn't been to the house in a few years. I realized how much work we had done when showing his new stuff. (The installation of the pool off the back deck, the remodel of the kids bathroom, the office/exercise room.) It was nice getting some perspective from another set of eyes on all the work.

 Some of the kids long time friends came by Shane even joined in the work! We made good progress even with mike's super picky. it has to be PERFECT inspections. We had hoped to paint the primer last night, it became clear it wasn't happening, so we cleaned up and resolved to paint today.

 I don't thinkI will ever get rid of the joint compound dust in the house. That stuff cots EVERYTHING!

Shane and Dustin were hard at work making a misty cloud of plaster. It looks like we have the fog machine on! There was a pile of Dust that coated 1/4 inch across the floors and counter tops. Maybe painting and doing the floors will help get rid of some of it floating around the house.

Shane is enlisted with the Marines and will be leaving for training right after he graduates this year. I am proud of him, if not a bit worried as well. I will be praying for him.

 
Some of the kids long time friends came by Shane even joined in the work!
We made good progress even with mike's super picky. it has to be PERFECT inspections. We had hoped to paint the primer last night, it became clear it wasn't happening, so we cleaned up and resolved to paint today. I don't think I will ever get rid of the dust from the joint compound in the house. It  coats everything.

Forest put himself on cleanup duty! man what a mess!

The dogs I think missed the kids. They were soaking up the love and attention. Thor looks like he is going to fall asleep sitting up.

I figured I will do a bit more catch up and show the french door installation. Like many projects you get into it and find the work is MUCH more than you thought it would be. The door was defiantly one of those.

 In the picture above you can see the finished door. I LOVE the panel windows, it warms the house in the winter days and the light coming in just brightens up my days.

Before we got to that point however, we had a huge mess on our hands. The siding on the house had not been done right, neither had the overhang of the roof over the door. We saw there was a leak, but had no idea how bad it had gotten. The whole main support beam had rotted out under the door and part of the wall there.  We had to remove the old rotten beam and replace it with new. then scab in floor joists with hangers ect.


We had figured this job to be 2 days (a weekend) but it took about 2 weeks. With Mike working a full time job and the printer business  We had this  HUGE double door sized hole in the back of the house, and it was starting to get cold!

Like everything else it eventually got done. Like I said I LOVE my new doors. We also had the chance to fix things right. With this project we added some gutters in the back and new siding (the right way). We had lots of experience with siding after putting siding on the whole barn.

heh That is another project to catch people up on, another day.

All clean now.....

Today I am on a push to get everything in at least one room if not three, sanded and ready to paint. The kids are coming over tomorrow to help clean and celebrate my birthday with me.

I am on a low carb lifestyle (had to change this word in here because this isn't a diet it's a lifelong change for me and for my house). Anyhow, 2 years ago during the time of my son's graduation I was diagnosed diabetic. I went low carb and have maintained my blood sugar rather well. The problem was I think not eating enough. Since I have started tracking my calories, carbs, proteins, fats and fiber I can already tell a difference and  though I am not touching the scale til tomorrow morning, I am betting I will have lost some weight.  If not I keep keeping on.

The reason I mention this is because, The kids and boyfriends/girlfriends, are all coming over to help me paint and 'hang out'  I am so excited to see them and spend some time. I also am trying to be very careful what I make to eat. If it is here and available, it's too easy to say "Oh it's my birthday ill splurge!"   Because I know this I am serving foods i can eat. Who cares what they want lol it's my birthday :P

We are making a cheesecake, Mike is famous for his cheesecake and I can make it super low carb and not too bad in calories/fat. I just switch cream cheese with nuefendel, splenda for sugar, and flour with soy flour. It turns out much the same just eatable (by me!). If there are leftovers I will freeze it separate and have as a snack for a few nights. I am attempting carrot cheesecake. (with carrots and spices) If it turns out good i may have my next favorite desert.

I am hoping I can spurge and stay on track all at the same time. Not super worried about it but would like to stay near my calorie/carb range.

So here is some pics:

 Wanted to start with the exercise room.  Sky had been gone for 3 years and I needed a place to go exercise. I cleaned everything out of her old room and converted it into another office/exercise room. I can watch netflix while I work out.

We bought a used treadmill and my Mom gave me the Gazelle, ab lounge, stationary bike. I did this a few months ago.

Eventually the walls in here will get stripped, plastered and painted.














Ok so this is the same room (the top with kids dancing and the right with joint compound and tools everywhere lol.

This is me today, the plaster really dried my hair out the past few days, time for a bag over my head or something. Nope there won't be pictures of that. lol  OK, more pictures of the house.

 Thanksgiving with the crew, Kids and friends. To think of all the joy we have gathered around that table. (which we will be replacing with a smaller table, but it won't be going far though)  You can see the plaster work was started and going then, this has been such a long project. You can see  the railing in both of these pictures, the decorative post. As the years went by and people leaned on them (much like you see people leaning on it in the picture) the railings tore at the drywall and made holes there.

 I chose the open layout of this house because I could always keep an eye out on the kids. Later when the kids got a bit older the separation from light and noise might have been a blessing. Most days walking into the house there was competing noises from both rooms could always keep an eye out on the kids. Later when the kids got a bit older the separation from light and noise might have been a blessing. Most days walking into the house there was competing noises from both rooms. The archway pic is the same  angle of camera as the thanksgiving and birthday pics. Mike built the wall. i have done all the plaster and plaster sanding in the whole house so far. Tomorrow I am putting the kids to work as they all took time off to come help me finish sanding in the first living room (that you can see in the doorway) and painting it too!

The picture on the left is a veiw from the "kids living room" looking towards the dining/kitchen. Looks like that picture was taken on Sky's Birthday.  As an end to this project or another mini project we are expanding the bar in the kitchen and replacing all the counter tops painting drawers and cupboards to be a mixture of cream, burgundy  and wood. We picked out cherry laminate wood plank flooring which is going to be so nice getting rid of all the carpet in these rooms. I also have picked out some black iron handles for the cupboards.  As the blog progresses there will be more detailed step by step stuff. For now I am catching up with where I am at.
The picture on the right here is the same view looking through the new archway.  We plan to add another archway going into the hallway and rounded edges into the main living room off the kitchen/dining room.  Looking at the bar here where it is wood now, after the bar rebuild, it will be cream under the bar top.  I am so excited to see all this get done!  Tomorrow is mass clean up and a bit of primer. Then a night of relaxing with my kidos.   I will be sure to get pictures of the kids working and post them up asap.

What's in a name?

Well speaking of this blog a whole lot is in a name!

So I am beginning a weight loss journey and am all about motivation and goals. I am also fixing up my home room by room until it is where I would like it to be. After raising 3 kids of my own, taking in a 16 year old boy and having many neighbor kids over regularly through the years my house is in as much need of a makeover as I am!

We moved here when forest was first learning to walk. This is Forest:

These are the 3 kids at the time we moved here. Left to right Dustin, Forest and Skylauna.

 Awww they were so little!

Before I had little people I never had an issue with weight. Once they came along I gained and lost in a roller coaster of fat cells.

Wouldn't trade any one of them for anything!


This is Forest now. (18 years old) Quite a handsome young man I would say. (Not biased at all of course!)

Forest graduates this year and the house will be that much more empty. It's a double edged sword, your kids leaving the house.

I am happy they are all still so close to each other. Dustin and Skylauna live together now in a town 30 min away where they can go to community college. Forest plans on moving in with them when he graduates.

Anyhow back to what I was getting at.

So raising the 3 kids to adulthood did a number on the house .

 Forgetting i mattered to in the hustle and bustle of raising kids did a number on my body.

I decided to combine the transformation of the physical being of my house and my body into one year long (maybe longer, especially for the house funds and all that) project.

 What better way to keep up with it all but to blog about it! Maybe my "Projects" will help inspire someone else.

 So this was me before kids. Yep 20 years ago when i was skinny, young and beautiful.

(funny how you never felt as beautiful as you were when you were there.)

My first goal is to get down to 165 pounds. Right now I am 264. At my heaviest I was 318 pounds.

 I have lost a decent amount of weight (45 pounds) in the past 2 years but not nearly as much as I would like and I wasn't tracking foods/calories.

OK so this is me as of last year. My son Dustin Graduated high school (So proud of him!) and that is my daughter Skylauna with us as well. (I am proud of her too!

Such good kids! We have had our ups and our downs and our punched holes in the walls. Overall they make me proud to call them mine.


So tomorrow I will take a pic of myself and show some pics of the house way back when (and now of course). Post them so people can see my progress!

Tomorrow is my birthday and it's fitting a new decade of life for me in a new house with a new body!  I would like to be near my goal weight for my birthday next year.